I had an appointment on Monday with my midwife. The fun test to see if i have gestational diabetes, which we passed with flying colors. I did get a phone call from my midwife on Tuesday but it just turns out I am low on iron, so I need to stay on top of that.
Then Monday night I had the chance to drive down to Grand Rapids to go to the Spina Bifida coffee group with about half a dozen moms that have kids with SB. I enjoyed talking with them and hearing how encouraging everyone was. It is nice to know that other moms have been there to give some advice to other moms who are currently going through what they have already experienced. I look forward to getting to know them more. It is just one of the small blessings that come out of this craziness.
Friday we had an u/s with the high risk OB. They checked all the baby measurements and let us know the fluid in his brain is 'moderate' which is alright for a Spina Bifida baby. We got a good look at his spine since he is getting bigger, it is crazy to see spine, then a blur where the lesion is, then more spine, just like there was a smudge on the u/s.
After that he talked to us again about doing the amnio, which I have been putting off because I see no point in doing it. The amnio will check the chromosomes to see if there is anything else going on that might not be "viable for life" which would change the way we would treat him. We feel like there would be other physical signs if this was the case. Things like a cleft lip or hole in the heart, which we don't see.
So I went to the appointment trying to be strong in what I was going to say and refusing the test. But wow was that not what the doctor wanted to hear. He basically told me "if I don't do this then I can't deliver by c-section in Grand Rapids and I might as well go to Ann Arbor. Also what do I just want to deliver here in Traverse City naturally and cause even more problems. Also that the surgeon and neonatologist would not even want to meet with you until they have the results of the amnio in their hands."
I just felt attacked and lied to. I let him know that I just talked to some moms who just delivered at Grand Rapids who didn't have the test so I know that Grand Rapids would allow me to deliver there with out having those results. But he held strong to that being untrue and when we see him in two weeks I have to have it done or find another hospital.
So I left, I didn't even have enough strength or composure to ask the other questions I had, I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I felt like I was trying to stand up for this child and was completely shot down and lied to by the doctor. Now, it is mostly my stubbornness that doesn't want to do the amnio. I think it really got to me because this is just the start of dealing with so many doctors and so many opinions and it really is overwhelming. I felt like I did my research and made a right decision for us but was yelled at and belittled by the doctor for refusing the test. With Spina Bifida there really is no absolute right choice, and I think today I just got hit with it.
At least Atreyu knew I just wanted to go home and cuddle, so thats what we got to do, then take a nap. He is such a good cuddler. Also Dave came home with some hydrangeas (one of my favorite flowers) that a client had given him to give to me today. And we get our new refrigerator today, goodbye old 1970's moldy fridge.
I hope in two weeks at my next appointment I wont be so emotional, it is so tiring.
